MY FAVORITE WACKY ONE LINERS

Growing up in the care of Leo Costantino (my father) was very interesting.  My father has one of the best volumes of one liners that I've ever heard.  Between him, my time in the Marine Corps, and everyone else I have amassed a list of kick ass one liners that I am going to share with you!  Here are 10 of my favorites and their definitions!

1.  "You look like 3 monkeys trying to fu** a football".  This is A Leo Costantino special!  It refers to the act of 3 or more people working at an activity together and generally screwing the whole thing up!


2.  "He can't find his ass with 2 hands!"  I guess this one came from dad too.  It is pretty easy to figure out but it basically defines a total dipshit!


3.  "Do you think I just fell off the pumpkin truck".  I have borrowed this one from my boss.  Over the years I have enjoyed his use of this phrase - at least when it wasn't directed at me!  It basically means "what do you think I'm stupid".


4.  "It is cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"  Leo strikes again!  If you can't figure this one out then don't read my blog anymore, you're slow....

5. "Don't booger the threads!"  This refers to the act of cross threading, or in some way damaging the threads on a bolt.  I believe this one came from my Father's Uncle Pete originally, who was actually the original family meat head.


6.  "I'll bet you she could suck start a Harley"  I am not claiming this one - this is pure Leo!  Use your imagination to figure out what it means!

7.  "I'm so hungry I could eat the a**hole out of an aardvark!"  This derives from a sergeant I served with in the corps who grew up in southern Georgia somewhere.  He was full of beauties!


8.  "Goddamn!  It sounds like a cow pissing on a flat rock!"  This one can be used in several situations - to point out extra loud urination, a particuarly heavy rain event etc..  There is nothing better than a one liner that is multi use - I love it!  I believe this derived from a friend of the family.


9.  "You're slower than molasses going uphill in January!"  Obviously this refers to someone who is slow as crap!  This derives from my old buddy Woody back in my Marine Corps days!  Woody was always in a hurry it seems!


10.  "I'll bet you she was something back before electricity!"  I'm not claiming this and won't tell where it came from.  If he's reading he'll know it!  This refers to a woman who must have been something to see in the day but clearly ain't looking so hot anymore!  Mean but just fun!


Well this is just a small sampling of what is in my little black book of one liners.  Enjoy them and use them wisely.  I wouldn't recommend using the suck start the Harley one on your wife or girlfriend to her face if I were you!


Love,


Wacky Dad