I've been reading and hearing about all of the new anti-bullying policies that are out there in the news. I am very conflicted on this whole phenomenon. Back when I was a kid the only anti-bullying policy was to take the big bastard out in the school yard and give him your best. Generally at the end of the day I would get my brains beat in, but I would get enough licks in to win the respect, and many times the friendship of the bully. That would keep him away from my friends and sometimes change his perspective about being such a jerk.The new bullying policies are basically zero tolerance. If the bully is up to no good he gets suspended and gets a free vacation at home. I just don't know what is right here. I learned a lot from the bully back in the day. I learned that you always have to stand up for yourself - even if it was going to hurt a hell of a lot. I also learned that no matter how tough the kid was I would never let my friends get beaten without stepping in to help them as much as I could even if that meant taking a whipping myself. These experiences create a loyalty and bond between friends that can't be broken, much the same as combat does for Marines and Soldiers.
Another thing that really bothers me about the whole bully thing is the fact that bullys don't just disappear after you leave high school. They are everywhere in your life, every day. How will our kids deal with the bully throughout their lives if they don't learn how to handle them as kids? We learn most of our values and mores at a young age. What happens when they get out in the real world and have to deal with the jerks that we all know are out there and who we all deal with every day. There will not be a school policy or a teacher to hide behind and without the natural toughening that we all underwent as kids how will they react? Will they know how to stand up for themselves?
I worry that our country is becoming soft in a time when we need to be tougher than ever to keep our place in the world. We have always been a country of tough and resourceful people. I hope that we are not shooting ourselves in the foot by implementing policies that make everything hunky dory all of the time for our kids. Life ain't hunky dory! I don't really know the right answer but I would like to start a dialog about the subject of bullying and hear what people have to say about it.
Sincerely,
Wacky Dad
Great! I'll take a look! I haven't done my homework on the subject but I keep wondering about it. Thanks for weighing in! Love your blog BTW!
ReplyDeleteI am a teacher, and I dealt with bullies in a different way growing up so I want to make sure i touch on two things. The argument by admins is that bullying is less physical and more psychological these days with cyber-bullying. That does not excuse it, because i feel that the same feelings need to rise up in a child of self-worth, and the loyalties of their own friends. The other is that I dealt with bullies the way Bugs bunny dealt with Elmer; if you're trying to beat me up, you'll have to do it while laughing and thinking about something I just said that may make no sense. We all DO have to find our way to deal with what is not fair in life. otherwise we turn into adults who want the Principal (government) to step in and fix everything for us. I like your post.
ReplyDeleteJB. My thoughts exactly. I do recognize the fact that cyber bullying is an issue but I also believe that is only an issue because parents are allowing their kids to take part in these online activities and texting activities before they should be allowed to. Thanks for your commment!
ReplyDeletevia Hayley Schultz, Upstate, NY 1/25/11
ReplyDeleteI don't know how to comment on your blog so I'll comment here. I don't know the answer to this either except that my experience has been that many times behind the asshole kid is, more times than not, an asshole parent. One (or two) who eit...her are a little thrilled that their kid has power over others (because they are bullies themselves), or is complacent because they want to be liked by their kid and don't want to do the uncomfortable or difficult discipline necessary. Or are clueless about what's going on in their kids' lives. If you can't fix the jerky parents then it's a big road uphill. Remember the Brady Bunch when Cindy and Peter were being bullied, and Mike and Carol each went to discuss the issue with the bully's parents? There was the a-hole dad and the wimpy mom. That hasn't changed for the most part.
We've become a nation of pussys. In this day and age parents aren't satisfied unless we have total control over our children. Hell, we can't even let our children keep score in an organized sporting event. Everyone has to feel good at the end of the game; guess what folks, there are winners and losers in life and kids are best served learning that lesson at an early age.
ReplyDeleteYou can bet your sweet ass that there are a whole lot of Arab 10 year olds who know how to field strip an AK 47 blind-folded and their parents aren't in the least worried about about bullying. Hell, they teach it.
Those are the "Bullies" that our kids are going to have to face in their adult years and there isn't aren't going to be any "rules" to save them then.
There are certainly bullies in the corporate world too. Who's going to save little Johnny or Suzie in that world?
I'm dammed proud of my son and he's who he is today because he was brought up to face life's problems face on and deal with them.
You do your children no favors fighting their battles for them, either on the ground, or online.
Hey Dad why don't you tell us how you really feel! : ). It is tough for us old Marines to stomach all of this anti-bullying stuff - we just tend to kill bullies. I still want to hear more about what people think though!
ReplyDeleteYou got me off on a sore subject Son.
ReplyDeleteWe're a nation of pussies!
you ain't seen the Bullies that our kids are going to have to deal with, but they're a comin', Oh yeah, they're a comin'.
Maybe we'll just impose some more "sanctions." Yeah, that will do it.
If you can't even defend yourself, how the hell are you going to defend your country?
All good points!
ReplyDeleteHi Eric -
ReplyDeleteI know this is an older post, but it's what brought me to your blog. I just wanted to contact you because I just released a book, The Incredible Shrinking Bully. I thought it might be of interest to you and your readers. If you are interested, I would be happy to provide you with a coupon code to download it for free. If you like the book, I'd be happy to host a giveaway for five of your readers to also download it for free. If you have any interest, please let me know.
Thanks for taking the time.
Mona
feelgood@chick-e.com
Mona I'm very interested in reading what you have to say on the subject. I've taken a little hiatus from the Blog as of late, trying to enjoy my spare moments away from work, but I will be back soon, and would enjoy writing about your book. Heck, maybe I'll even learn a thing or two!
ReplyDelete