Sunday, January 30, 2011

A MENSTRUATION SITUATION!

I know they look sweet but the devil lurks within!
Being the proud father of my three girls is probably the greatest honor of my life.  I am so proud of all of them in so many different ways.  While driving home from New Hampshire in a car full of sleeping women, young and older tonight, I realized that I have quite a "situation" that is going to be unleashed in my already hectic world.  Multiple Periods!  And no...I don't mean punctuation!  I am going to have to endure multiple periods in my household for at least 17 years or so.  Folks that is a lot of years.  You have to understand - I have tried to raise tough, independent, and head strong girls that can compete in the tough environment we live in these days.  That is all good until you piss one of them off!  The sweet little "Daddy's Girls" can turn into Beelzebub in the blink of an eye when prompted!  I can only imagine how adding in a period or two will heighten this dynamic!  At some point in my life it is conceivable that I will share the house with 4 menstruating women!  I'm scared!
     I am thinking about constructing some kind of safe room - an underground bunker where I can hide out.  It will have reinforced concrete walls with plenty of rebar for extra security.  The door will be plate steel with sound proofing and high security locks with Retina Scan technology for admittance.  Maybe the dog will be allowed in for company but that will be my only link to the outside world!  No phones, computers, internet, tin cans with strings etc.. Lest they try to contact me in any way to exact their craziness upon me.  I am a tough man, but withstanding the fury of four crazed menstruaters is beyond my ability to comprehend.  My only recourse is to hide!  I am not sure how I will determine when it is safe to come out of my haven...but I will be erring on the side of safety!  If there is an indication that "periodic conditions" persist it will be back into my man bunker ASAP.
    In all honesty I love my girls so much that I will be willing to endure any periodic craziness that may occur - even without a bunker!  I love them all, and by God, Cathy has trained me well for this upcoming ordeal!  Ooooh I am going to get in trouble for this post but I really don't care at all!  Actually looking forward to it!  Wish me luck all!  I go into this with the heart and training of a Marine and I will not be broken!!

Semper Fi,

Wacky Dad      
Posted by Eric at 11:05 PM
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10 comments:

  1. GrandersJanuary 31, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    Wow, you are really asking for it with this post. And the timing, just before vacation? Enjoy your trip!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJanuary 31, 2011 at 2:34 PM

    Hmm,

    I'm out of my element with this one Son. I've only had to endure one, and that is bad enough.

    But, here's what I suggest.

    Keep a careful calender so as not to be caught unaware, as it were.

    I can tell you from experience, and that you already rightly know, one at a time is bearable if you know in advance.

    Where your situation is complicated is when it is a "multiple" encounter.

    I suggest establishing a color alert system much the same way Homeland Security does.

    One is a code green, low risk.
    two is code blue, general risk.
    Three is Yellow, significant risk.
    Four is orange, high risk.
    Five is Red, severe risk.

    This system might also allow me to signal you in some visual way if you are in your man-cave.

    I'm always here for you son.

    Yuk Yuk,

    Dad

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 1, 2011 at 3:04 AM

    Coz,

    I get a good laugh out of reading your blogs. I can relate in a lot of ways having 2 daughters. It's good to see you haven't changed a bit. I'm curious to see if or how much trouble your going to be in for this one. Like you, I do not have anyone to carry on the family name...... yet. I'm working on that though.
    Keep it coming,
    Barley

    ReplyDelete
  4. EricFebruary 1, 2011 at 8:49 AM

    Greg - no guts no glory! Actually the wife handled it very well! It was a little bit of a let down!

    ReplyDelete
  5. EricFebruary 1, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    Dad,

    You have some good ideas. We will have to formulate further plans for my safety!

    ReplyDelete
  6. EricFebruary 1, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    Barley,

    Glad to see my blog attracts only the best company! Keep "shooting" for the boys and you'll end up where I am! Good to hear from you pal!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Otter ThomasFebruary 1, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    Just another reason for me to be concerned about the possibility of having twin girls. That would give me three women. Still less than you but a lot nonetheless.

    ReplyDelete
  8. EricFebruary 1, 2011 at 10:59 AM

    Good luck Otter! Thanks for the comment! Build a bunker!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mom et alFebruary 3, 2011 at 11:01 PM

    Oh yeah. You're in trouble. Just wait until they sync up and they all cycle at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  10. EricFebruary 10, 2011 at 10:59 PM

    I am so afraid!!!

    ReplyDelete

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