Bathroom Woes Of A Toddler's Father!

I know she looks cute and innocent but this kid is obsessed
with sitting on the can in public bathrooms!

     Well folks the good news is that I am not changing diapers anymore.  In fact for quite a few months now my youngest Mia - just 3 years old - has been using the "head" on a regular basis.  At first, things were great in there.  She would do her thing - tinkle or poopy and she'd jump right off the toilet and we were done, well except for of course the "parent wipe", but that is way easier than the full butt wipe found in a diaper (never got used to that).  As of late though things have become much slower.


     I would like to ask any of you if you have ever spent much time in a ski area mens room.  Well, let me tell you, it is quite a damned treat.  I usually hold my breath before I go in and make it out just before I go hypoxic and fall over.  There is nothing like the smell of disgusting guys at a ski area, venting their waste from the previous night's debauchery.  I don't know quite what lends to it's specific odor, but I am here to tell you, it ain't a good one.

A crapper similar to the ones I have experience with

Now with that background said and understood, I can tell you my quandary.  My daughter Mia - sweet little urchin - has, as of late, begun to take her time on the potty .  She seems to find it quite amusing to sit on the throne in the Cannon Mountain men's room for as long as she possibly can.  She dangles her little feet and listens to the dude next to us who always seems to be taking an explosive type of you-know-what.  It brings her such delight to hear the different styles of poops in the next stalls.  She might go from laughter to shock while listening to all the noises.  Yesterday she said "Awwwww, gross"!  The damned kid thinks she's a darn poop connoiseur.
    

I think this was one of the "poopers" next to us yesterday!

Now I don't know if it is because I have a huge nose and the scent settles into the damn thing more then it would other people, but I hate the smell of a "rotten" bathroom.  Maybe it has something to do with the 6 years I spent in the Marine Corps and the 18 months I spent at sea on a naval vessel, but I really hate it.  Well when you hate the smell that much, and your daughter decides to hang out on the crapper for 20 minutes, contemplating the 4 guys "pinching/firing" a "loaf" next to you, it isn't a father/daughter match made in heaven!  I swear, I literally jump when some of these guys are in #2 mode.  It just isn't right...Why do they have to be so loud about the whole affair.  And I don't think the pressure of these turds is even normal.  They Have to be trying for projection and for noise in their stalls (which with guys, does not surprise me since a lot of us like to compete at Everything and we also tend to like to make as much noise as possibe when doing gross things ie. farts, puking,...).  Maybe they are waiting for a score from the 3 year old shitter-judge next to them - Ms. Mia herself.  I think she needs to start yelling "It's a ten for creativity, artistic impression, noise level and overall smell impression! - Fine job dude!"  Maybe that "judgely" announcement will move them along faster...and maybe move Mia along faster too.  
Well, here's to looking forward to the day when this kid of mine can poop on her own!




Humbly,


Wacky Dad