Five Wacky Father's Day Projects!

I always have a few wacky projects rolling around in my head.  On most days these projects are way to meaningless to attack, but on Fathers Day, we get a day of leisure to do whatever stupid thing it is that we would like to do.  Here are five moronic projects that I would love to tackle tomorrow.  I know that I won't get to all of them, or even one of them, but I sure would revel in the moment of completing one of these projects.


1.   Install a point driven well in my yard - The Costantino's are invariably cheap.  It has always been my dream to install a small point driven well that could take care of watering the grass, sprinkling the kids on hot days, provide snowmaking water, and maybe even providing water to the toilets.  I am sure that this endeavour would probably end up costing me more than water bills but it is just so damned cool!  Here is a diagram of a point driven well.  I want one.  I might actually be putting one of these bad boys in tomorrow.  Already have the pump!

I know this seems like great fun huh!

 2.  I have an obsession with utilizing the stream in my front yard for something.  This small stream probably has no real practical use, but in my twisted mind it is a treasure trove of electric power, and of air conditioning for my house.  My wife will not let me use the water fall to create power because she says the contraption I have devised to do so is ugly.  What the heck does she know!  An old bike chain, some gears, and an old squirrel cage are all beautiful in my mind!  I also have a plan to use the cold water (57 degrees) to cool my house by means of an old car radiator.  Definitely a nice addition to the living room.  

Great minds think alike.  Dad admiring my beautiful invention.
I really am an idiot!

3.  Create a windmill.  My latest idea is that the windmill and the stream power would work in tandem to drive a small air compressor head.  This compressed air would be stored in my large compressor until it gets to about 140 psi and the would automatically vent to an impact wrench that would spin a small permanent magnet motor that would be capable of producing enough electricity to store in a bank of 12 volt deep cycle batteries.  By means of an inverter I would probably be able to power a 2 watt light bulb for 5 seconds and of course this would elicit tears of joy and pride from me after spending 24 hours labor and $500 bucks to make the damned idea work.  Oh yeah and the windmill would be powered by an old ten speed bicycle wheel with large heat shrink tubing that covers the spokes at an angle.  You know the great thing about a blog is that I can write all of my stupid crap down and pretend that people actually care about what I'm writing.  There must be some other moron out there who has ideas like these right?  His name is Leo Costantino!




4.  I have had an idea for a long time about utilizing the swaying action of trees to collect power.  This idea really comes from the fact that I have a backyard full of trees that would require me to build a 100' windmill to get over the treetops to gather any real wind.  I do have a plan about how to build this, but it is so damned stupid I am not sharing it.  Also somebody from Exxon-Mobil might steal my idea and I don't want those shitheads getting rich off me!  I really don't want to add to their record profits!


5.   I would love to get the damn shit tank fully operational on my boat.  I have a very carefully devised jury rig all purchased and ready to install, but my busy schedule hasn't allowed me to put it together yet.  I am going to beat the marine industry at their own game and have a fully operational holding tank built out of parts from my existing tank and of course Lowes.  I will let you all know the first time I successfully pump the shitter on my boat!


Well there are five dumb projects.  In reality I will probably end up hanging out with my wife, my kids, my mother, father, and grandfather.  We'll probably drink some cheap box wine, tell stories that we've heard a hundred times, and have a good old fashioned barbecue.  You know I can't think of anything I'd rather do!  Not even repiping the shitter!


Happy Father's Day!


Wacky Dad   

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Harvesting Memories With Your Kids!

My oldest edible wild plant hunting daughter!  This photo
of Abby was taken at a school play she took part in.   

It is that time of year when I head out with my kids in search of natures best wild edible plants.  Yesterday Abigail and I got some time alone together so we headed out with a couple of old ricotta cheese containers in search of whatever the woods would yield.  One of our main goals was to scope out one of our favorite blackberry spots to see how they are coming along.  Another week or two and they should be ripening.  There are literally thousands of unripe blackberries that will be waiting for us!

My Little Bear!

My middle daughter has been nicknamed "Little Bear" since she was three, due to an incident with a wild blackberry patch and a completely purple face she took home that day!  Man does she love those things!  Good fruit and good memories, and all for free!  Since there were no blackberries available yesterday we decided to search for some other late spring favorites.  We call them prickers, but they are properly named Common Greenbrier.

Common Greenbrier, Bullbrier, or "prickers"

These little beauties are one of the tastiest greens in the woods, and it doesn't get much more organic than this!  The picture to the right is what they look like.  We found plenty of these right alongside our favorite blackberry bushes and easily stuffed a container full of them.  I used them to top off a delicious salad tonight.  In an age when produce prices are shooting off the charts, it is really a breath of fresh air to take an enjoyable walk in the woods and come home with something you can eat for free.  This time of year these abound in the woods.  Simply find a greenbrier like you see in the picture, and snap off the tender shoot like you see in the photo.  These can be eaten raw, or cooked like spinach or asparagus.  My favorite is raw though.  We eat them like candy as we walk through the woods.  They are truly delicious, and are awesome as a tasty and beautiful garnish on your salad.

Tonight's Salad

To me though the best part about searching for these plants is the chance to connect with my kids in the quiet of nature.  They all think that picking and finding wild plants is pretty cool.  Abby told me yesterday while we hunted edibles "Dad your awesome".  I didn't have to buy her any fancy video game, or take her to any flashy amusement park to gain this unprompted comment.  As always I answered back "yeah, I'm all right", but inside I am beaming from ear to ear that my 11 year old thinks I am awesome. 

   

I think I'll call him Bugs!

As a bonus we ran into this little baby rabbit while we were out exploring.  I was literally about 5 feet from this guy, and I believe if I had a carrot I might have had him eating from my hand.  If you haven't been out searching for wild berries or plants with your kids I highly recommend you give it a shot.  They will love it and so will you!

Happy Hunting,

Wacky Dad

The Musings Of A 10 Day Single Dad

Sorry for the week long absence.  I know you have all been going to pieces without your daily dose of Wacky Dad!  My wife has been in Germany for the past 9 days or so and is on her way home tomorrow.  I have been occupied filling the shoes of my wife and this has cut into my blog time.  This was the first time I have ever had my 3 daughters alone for more then 3-4 days.  I have to say that things went extremely smoothly, way more so than I thought they would.  I have a noticed a few phenomenon throughout the last 9 days that I thought I would run by my readers.

An oil and water moment!

1.  My 2 oldest daughters are notorious for fighting with each other.  I'm not talking about punching each other in the nose or anything bloody, but the typical sibling stuff.  They usually just get on each others nerves, like oil and water.  As soon as Mom left, these 2 kids haven't fought once.  In fact they have truly enjoyed each others company, the way that I would expect sisters to behave with each other.  I really wonder why that is?  Does missing mom make them appreciate each other more?  Do they think they can't get away with fighting with me (they can't)?  Or is it a coincidence?  I'm really not sure.  If anyone might be able to shed some light on this I would love to know what has caused this change is so I can make it lasting!  I am certainly not a psychologist but I am a good observer of facts.  I know I want to make this permanent!

2. I have noticed a change in myself over the past 9 days.  All of the stuff that usually drives me crazy but never gets done is all up to speed.  The laundry is 100% caught up on.  I have been doing one load a day which keeps the drawers full and the laundry bin empty.  Usually there is a massive damned pile of clothes that seems to get ignored by everyone in the house.

This ain't nothing!

As soon as laundry duty necessarily devolved upon me I
took the bull by the horns and it has gotten done in style.  The weird thing is that when my bride is around I totally hate doing the laundry, but this week is has been a source of true satisfaction for me to have it all squared away and in order.  The same thing happened with the kitchen.  When the kitchen is all cluttered up I get totally peeved.  As the week has gone on I have chipped away at the countertop clutter and can actually chop tomatoes and put a pot down next to the stove!  Oh the simple things!  I even have my kids neatly stowing away their clean laundry in its proper drawers and hiding places before school.  Little miracles.



I have a couple of hypotheses on why these strange housekeeping events have occured - here goes.

1.  The Tyrant Method - A smoothly running household needs one "tyrant" in charge of it, and the tyrant must have loyal and obedient underlings who know that they have to on a daily basis.  Cathy and I have always tended to try to share responsibility for the house.  I am not sure this is such a wise move.  It gives each of us an out when things become a mess.  It leaves room for comments like "why don't you ever do a load of laundry?" or "are you ever going to load the dishwasher?".  These past nine days I have been the dictator and things have gotten done without a lot of effort.  I haven't even had to pull the Marine Drill Instructor card to many times (I have used it a couple times though!).  Kids, unlike spouses know they basically have to do what dad says and they just fall in line automatically.

2.  The Non-Tyrant Method - If household duties are to be shared then I think a hard and fast plan is the only way to go.  Everyone needs to know what their jobs are and it needs to be strictly adhered to.  Everyone needs to be accountable for their duties, and when they fail at them, there needs to be an automatic punishment.  The punishment could be something like having to run twice around the house in your skivvy drawers at middday if you don't get your chores done, something on that order.  I'll bet if Cathy had to streak around the yard in her skivvies the damned laundry pile would stay small.  And I would certainly keep the kitchen sink cleaned if I had to do laps in my tighty whiteys.  This punishment would be mandatory and instantaneous.  Definitely food for thought.

Anyway I have missed my wife immensely over the past few days.  These observations aren't intended to poke fun at her or criticize.  I have the utmost respect for what she handles on a daily basis, you should have seen the schedule she left me before she left - pure beauty!  On the other hand when I notice positive change I would be a moron not to try to capitalize on it.  So Cathy welcome home, I have missed my best friend for the past 9 days!  But beware, you better trade in those holey underwear for something a little more slinky because I am going to have your ass lapping the house next time you forget to do the laundry!  My Flip camera is ready and the you tube account is ready and waiting!            


Laundry Pile Free And Smiling,

Wacky Dad

Man Drowns in Alameda, California

I was quite taken with a story that I listened to today on NPR news about a man who drowned in the water, right off the beach in Alameda, California.  This blog is generally reserved for fun and games, but when I am moved by an event I am certainly not shy about offering my opinion.  Apparently this man was trying to commit suicide by drowning himself, and the police and firefighters were alerted to it, however their local rules do not allow them to enter the water.  These so called public servants stood on the beach and watched a suicidal man tread water for an hour and did nothing.

 

What in hells bells has this country become?  What kind of man, any man, would stand and watch someone drown when they had the means to try to help him?   All they had to do was put on a life jacket and swim out to the guy and they might have saved his life.  What the hell?  I just don't get it.  As a former Marine I am accustomed to following orders.  I understand a rank structure and rules.  By the same token we were trained to use our good sense when certain situations arose.  If an order no longer makes sense in a certain scenario it is time to adapt and overcome.  To hide behind a layer of bullshit and say that we were following an order not to enter the water reeks of cowardice.  I am really perplexed by this whole situation.  I am of the opinion that any person on that beach should be fired for stupidity and negligence, and also any person who was in a supporting role such as the mayor, chief of police, fire chief, who made decisions that led to inaction in this case should be fired.  It is an embarrassment to live in a country where such horseshit can occur.  Oh yeah and by the way - they are changing the rule - no shit!

Pissed Off,

Wacky Dad