Porta John Poetry

It is entirely possible I wrote some of my own poetry on
this fateful night!  What a drunken ass!

Well I am a little disappointed that I had to tone the title down a bit.  It really should be "Shithouse Poetry" but this being a "dad" blog and all I thought I should keep it somewhat family friendly, at least on the cover.  I thought of this post while standing at a stinking urinal in New Hampshire this past weekend.  I remember reading some silly poem that the Shithouse poet wrote, I don't remember the lines, but it brought back a few of my favorites from years past.  Some of them were written in Marine Corps Porta John's, affectionately called the "Shit House" - Thus the the name "Shithouse Poet".  You might ask what a shit house poet is.  This is how I have seen it defined on the web.  


Shithouse Poet Definition :  Widely-acclaimed anonymous author of infamous wit and wisdom written on the stalls and walls of many bathrooms. The "Shithouse Poet" is believed to actually be a number of different individuals acting in nearly every state of the United States. Much to the chagrin of janitors, the Shithouse Poet leaves his nuggets (pardon the pun) of wit and wisdom in the form of well-crafted prose and poetry through various means in bathrooms throughout the U.S.A.


Good stuff right?  Well I felt compelled to share 5 of my favorites with you from all of my years of "Shitty" reading.  Here Goes!  This list will end with the best of all time in my opinion.

5.  "Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to shit and stink, But I come here to scratch my balls, And read the bull shit on the walls..."


4.  "Here I sit all broken hearted, came to shit, but only farted." - Truly a classic!


3.  "Pee hard, Pee fast. Pull the handle and haul ass"

2.  "No need to hover above the seat, the crabs in here can jump six feet."


1.  "Please do not eat the big urinal mints..." - I saw this line as a young kid while standing at a urinal while attending sailing lessons at the East Greenwich Yacht Club.  Such refinement!  I know it ain't really poetry, but it is damned funny!  I told my kids this one tonight and they all roared!  It has always been my favorite.  If I may give you a piece of advice - share your favorite shithouse poetry while your wife is far, far away from the dinner table.  Some things are better left as little secrets between dads and kids.  I am taking the bullet for all of you morons out there by writing this post. Some of you may still have your wives fooled, I however, am a known degenerate, and she is surprised by nothing, thus this blog's existence.


Happy Shithouse Reading!


Wacky Dad


Please feel free to share some of your favorite shithouse poetry - keep it at least a little clean though!