"Twas The Night Before Christmas" Wacky Dad Version

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a Meathead was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Santa soon would be there.

The rug rats were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Home Made Snow danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long bloggers’s nap.

When out near the snow maker there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and fell on my ass.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a tangled up sleigh, and eight angry reindeer.

With a livid old driver, all covered in snow,
I knew in a moment it was St. Nick - Oh no!
More pissed off than snakes, his coursers they came,
The Elf Meathead whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on Donner and Blitzen!
Untangle yourself from that snow maker hose! Please hurry and get your ass out of that snow!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away now!"

They shook off the snow, the compressed air, and water,
and finally took off which was still quite a bother.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and the Fat Meathead too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The stamping and pawing of sixteen angry hooves.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the mad Meathead came with a bound.

He was dressed in wet fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all covered with ice and with soot.
The bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
Were snow covered and smashed, a really sad sack.

His eyes-how they squinted! his dimples no fun!
His cheeks were like roses, from the spraying snow gun!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a scowl,
And he looked over at me and said go get me a towel.

The stump of a pipe was all smashed in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a great big beer belly,
That shook when he toweled off, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, one pissed off old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A twinkle in his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
he poured a bucket of poo on the floor like a jerk .
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He shuffled to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, deer poop raining down like a missile!
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, never make snow on this night!"


I gave him the bird as he flew to the right
and hollered I AM WACKY DAD, AND WILL MAKE SNOW JUST TO SPITE!!!!  




MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM ALL  IN THE WACKY DAD HOUSEHOLD!
rhode island snow

Abigail Shines!

I know you don't here from me much lately.  Seems time is just a little thin with work, kids, etc.  I do however love to use my blog as a place to get on my soapbox and brag about my kids, so here goes!



I just wanted to make this post and let the world see just how much my daughter Abigail has grown as a young lady.  Here is Abby performing in her Christmas voice recital.  I am just amazed that this kid has the talent and wherewithal to get up in front of a large crowd and belt out these songs!  Great job my dear. You are truly an unbelievable talent, and the most loving daughter a dad can ask for!

With much pride!

Wacky Dad

Farewell To My "Sister"

I'll catch hell for posting this bathing suit picture from my
wife as well as Becca, but I don't care. Wifey is left and
My "Sis" is on the right.

It has been great having my sister-in-law back in country for the last few weeks.  She is my wife's twin sister, and I have known them both since they were 12 years old.  One of my fondest memories of Rebecca and I as childhood friends was our ongoing game of "Punch Buggy".  Every time one of us saw a VW bug we would haul off and nail the others shoulder with everything we had.  We both spent our summers with bruised shoulders, but we loved the game.
       Rebecca's husband's work brings him to Germany full time, so they have moved there permanently with their 2 children for the next couple of years.  This has been hard on my wife, who basically talks to Becca on a daily basis, if not hourly sometimes!  Good thing we have the unlimited plan!
       Last night my daughter Mia and I were the first ones to have to leave the family get together that we were having, and therefore were the first ones that Becca had to say goodbye to before she returns to Germany.  For the first time in my life, as I hugged Rebecca and she sobbed, I really felt like I was saying goodbye to a blood sister, being that I'm an only child.
       I reminisced on the ride home about just how long I really have known Rebecca, 29 years, and most of those years we have been active friends.  I'm not always quick on the uptake, but I just realized yesterday how important all of Cathy's family have become to me.  After 17 years of marriage they have all become great friends.  I know many of their idiosyncrasies and they know most of mine!  But to my "big sister" Becca, I will miss you dearly sister, you are one of my oldest friends, and one of my best friends.  When Germany is done with you, we will be relieved to have you back with us.  Have a safe trip, I love you.


Sincerely,

Wacky Dad (AKA Eric)     

Chasing Pancreatic Cancer - On A Bike

3rd Annual Karen Petty Memorial Double Century Bike Ride
Against Pancreatic Cancer

September 29th, 2012

I hope this letter finds you all well. Many of you who I write to today are dear friends of mine and some of you who support my ride are only bound to me by a common cause. That cause is our desire to end Pancreatic Cancer as a disease. I started the Karen Petty Double Century in 2010 in an effort to honor my lifelong friend Karen Petty, and to raise funds to defeat the disease that took her from us. For those of you who know Karen, you understand why I ride in her memory. Karen was loved by all who knew her. Her family adored her. I adore all of Karen’s family as brothers, sisters, and aunts, and uncles even though we share no blood relations. I grew up calling Karen “Auntie” and her husband “Uncle” Joe. As an only child, I didn’t have siblings. Karen’s own kids, Jason and Kerri, and her Nephew Billy were my brothers and sisters, and they are as important to me as if we were related by blood. I grew up with all of them, and always felt a part of their family. It only felt natural to do something “big” upon Karen’s passing, not only to honor Karen’s memory, but to show her family how much they all mean to me. I am not always rich in words, but I am capable of producing an occasional deed that can raise an eyebrow or two. This 200 mile, one day bike ride, which starts at Karen’s house in West Warwick, RI, to her Cabin in Thornton, NH, started as a deed I thought was honorable enough to memorialize Karen. I hope it has proven so.
In the ensuing years since the first ride, I have become very involved in our local affiliate of the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, a national organization creating hope in a comprehensive way through research, patient support, community outreach and advocacy for a cure. In short, they are the national leaders in the fight against Pancreatic Cancer. 

Karen Petty - The Reason We Ride

Since joining the organization 2 years ago, I am proud to say that I have been a part of a great team, many of who were close friends or family of Karen’s. Together, we have collectively raised around $350,000 and have made Rhode Island a leader in the fight against Pancreatic Cancer. Karen’s ride has raised almost $30,000 on its own, and we wish to increase and continue that success. One of the men that I met as a result of my volunteer work was a guy named Peter Washburn. He was actively fighting his own Pancreatic Cancer. Peter and I shared a lot of common interests, and our personalities really meshed. We became quick friends. He became my second friend to fight this disease for their lives, only this time I knew how deadly it really was. Peter was a picture of mental toughness. He never complained. He just fought like hell. I immediately idolized the man. He was everything I hoped I could be in his situation. We went on to plan last year’s Purple Stride Walk with the rest of our Rhode Island team. I spoke with Pete a couple times a week and he inspired me to fight even harder against this disease. After the walk, he took an interest in my bike ride since he was a cyclist as well. Pete even enlisted his nephew Tyler to ride with me for the 2011, 200 Mile ride. Peter’s tireless efforts in the fundraising process helped the ride to earn almost $18,000 last year. The man was just incredible. He rode in the support vehicle for 14 hours that day, waking at 2:00 am in the morning to make it happen and to cheer us on with his sisters at the start of the ride. All the while, he was fighting the Pancreatic Cancer in his body. He was the least healthy of us all by far, but showed more spirit and guts all day long than anyone else. I remember seeing him changing flat tires in the back of a bouncing, jostling, pickup truck on the way up to New Hampshire and my eyes filled up with tears thinking how tough the guy was, and just how much it meant to him to have the ride succeed. I loved him as a friend, and as an archetype of what a strong and loving man should be. Sadly, even Peter could not beat this disease, and he passed away about 3 months after the ride. Pete’s passing has strengthened my resolve even more. Pancreatic Cancer is virtually unstoppable with the medicines that are available to patients right now. The only way that we can defeat this disease is to raise money for research and awareness of the deadlines of this disease. The harder we fight, the more likely it is that the federal government will pass the much awaited Pancreatic Cancer Bill that will really give the funds and the impetus to kill this disease. Please help me bring the fight against Pancreatic Cancer in my own way; on two wheels, riding from Karen Petty’s home in West Warwick, RI to one of her favorite spots in the world, her cabin in Thornton, New Hampshire.
This will be my third time riding this annual ride. For the entire 200 miles this year, I will be accompanied by two great friends, Greg Anderson, who rode the ride with me last year, and Ed Hernaez, my buddy and great friend and one of the toughest athletes I know. Also John Braica, a close friend of mine and Karen’s will ride the last 100 miles with us, and we are lucky enough this year to have my skiing buddy Bill Fontaine and my father Leo Costantino (68 years young) ride those last 100 miles with us as well. I thank these amazing guys in advance for joining this fight with me. They are all true warriors, and I know we can ride this disease down to the ground together, all in Karen’s name.

Please visit www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/karenpettydoublecentury/ride
 

Sincerely Determined,

Eric Costantino

My Wacky Is Back!

Remember me?  The guy who used to write spontaneous, fun, and somewhat interesting blog posts?  I sort of got lost there for a while.  I think the blog even helped to steal away my Wacky for a little while.  Too many worries in life can tip the balance the other way on you, and it doesn't take much to go over the edge.  I went through a period of time this last year when I just didn't have the usual fire that I have.  My thought is that I just had one too many things on my mind.  I work like a dog, try to play as hard as I can, typically skiing every weekend in the winter, riding my bike in my spare time in the summer, volunteering rabidly to fight against Pancreatic Cancer, a disease I hate with a passion after losing a life long role model and friend to it, and the list goes on.

About 3 years ago I decided I wanted to buy a sailboat.  The first year I loved it.  The second year I liked it, but just didn't have the time to use it.  The third year my Grandfather passed away, and the boat just sat on the mooring, forlorn and sad, like I felt.  She wasn't a boat that wanted to sit, she wanted a fresh breeze and a hard beat to windward.  I felt a constant guilt that I wasn't making use of the boat, that was for me a significant yearly investment of money.  I finally bit the bullet and sold Kittiwake this summer.  The difference has been tangible.  I feel like the boat was the pinnacle of the tipping point for me.  I just couldn't find the time to use her and it made me miserable to know I was wasting my money, and my boat was wasting away.  I only know this for a fact because I feel an incredible lightening of my spirit now.  Maybe I'm not too bright(you don't have to affirm this in the comments section!), but I never put two and two together.  I have been having a great summer so far, and I really haven't done anything monumental.  I have done a few projects around the house that have included my girls that have made me feel like a good father again.  I am creating and inventing things again.

It doesn't look like much, but it actually
does heat water

Shower Wood!

I built an outdoor shower out of a bunch of scrap wood that I collected from an old carriage house that my company is renovating.  Sounds simple right?  Well I am simple!  I taught my kids how to drill, screw, cut, resaw, dig, mix concrete, etc....I was a father again, a teacher, no matter how bad!  I'm hooked!  After building our shower which is fed by the ice cold stream in our yard, I decided it would be cool to build a solar hot water heater.  We have had some success with it, but again, assembling this project with my kids, and the laying in bed at night thinking about design problems and solving them has made my feel like my old wacky self again.  Now there are rumors of a waterslide in the back yard...Hmmmm.

The almost finished project! Nothing is ever
quite done around here!

I even talked my wife into mounting the solar monstrosity onto the side of my house, yeah I know, she loves me..  I guess my point is, that if you're not feeling like yourself, you might have just one small obstacle that is putting your over the point of no return.  For me it was a boat not being used.  Maybe for you it's a dirty garage, or too much overtime. Yup my garage is dirty but that ain't my tipping point!  Who the hell knows.  I promise you if you feel like you have lost your "wacky" that it is time to take a step back and evaluate life for a few minutes, because when you get that "wacky back it is sheer bliss!  I hope to be here blogging more often then I have been, but not at the expense of my Wacky!






Love,


Wacky Dad!

A New Way For Wacky To Brush Teeth!

So I recently got this cool proposal to try out a new state of the art power toothbrush from Oral-B called the Oral-B Professional Care SmartSeries with SmartGuide. I have been scrubbing my fangs with all manner of low tech brushes for  my whole life, so I jumped at the chance to try out something new for a change. Plus I figured any kind of toothbrush with lights, bells, and whistles, and a big kickin' motor in it just has to be plain cool!   

I've been using the new brush for a couple of weeks now, and have to say that it really is a step up from anything I have used in the past.  The way this thing scrubs in like running your mouth through a car wash!  Also the wireless timer is ultra cool and keeps you honest.  It pauses every 30 seconds so that your reminded to switch quadrants in your mouth.  I have used it religiously twice a day, and so far my mouth has been a happier place because of it for sure.  I have always tried to teach my kids good brushing habits, but this thing really has taught me how to properly focus for the brushing period that I use it for.  I really think my kids could benefit from one of these beauties.  Oral-B is offering a $10 mail-in rebate on select power toothbrushes April 29 through June 16, 2012. Please visit OralB.com for more information    I'll be posting with a follow up post to let you all know just how happy my mouth in another week or two.  Happy brushing all!


Happily Brushed!


Wacky Dad


“I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour by Dad Central Consulting on behalf of Oral-B and received a product sample to facilitate my review and a promotional item to thank me for taking the time to participate.”

Pancreatic Cancer - A Genocidal Dictator

It is amazing how much bile the thought of pancreatic cancer brings from my belly.  It has killed 2 of my friends now.  I've decided that pancreatic cancer is no different than the dictators throughout the world who routinely perform acts of genocide on their people. In the last 10 years pancreatic cancer has killed 400,000 of my countrymen and countrywomen who are predisposed to contracting this cancer. This is not acceptable. A 6% survival rate is embarrasing, and we can't stand by and keep the status quo. If this kind of atrocity was the result of a rogue nation killing its citizens then we would fully mobilize our armed forces and we would be kicking ass and taking names to the tune of billions of dollars. But in pancreatic cancer's case we let this silent dictator go on killing our friends and family and we fund it's fight quite meagerly. This is dead wrong.

I would like to ask you to stand with me against this scourge, this killer of our citizens and many more, and kick ass and take names the way Americans should when we are under attack. Why should we allow a piss ant disease to kill our friends, family and fellow humans. It is just wrong. I want to mobilize an army of Rhode Islanders and Americans to fight this disease fist to fist and beat it into oblivion. I for one am not going to stop until I find pancreatic cancer lying dead on the street like a brutal dictator deserves. Please join me in supporting or walking in Purple Stride Rhode Island www.purplestride.org/rhodeisland on May 6th. This walk is in support of the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network - the only organization that is leading the fight against pancreatic cancer in a comprehensive and fierce fashion. I look forward to fighting this disease together with you.



Sincerely.




Eric Costantino

The "Dad" Race

Myself and my 3 daughters last night before the
father/daughter dance.

Hello all, or none maybe.  I know I haven't been around in a while.  I guess that is due to a few reasons.  We have had a great time playing this winter.  Mostly on the slopes of Cannon Mountain in New Hampshire.  I have enjoyed another incredible year with my children, wife, father, and friends on the mountain, and even though mother nature didn't bring all the natural snow we prayed for, we still had one heck of a winter, and hopefully still have a couple of weekends left God willing.  Work has been very busy, and that has kept my little mind occupied.  I guess I may have needed a break from blogging, and a few other things.  I am cursed by an obsessive gene that really only allows me to focus on a couple of things at once, just so happens that the blog wasn't one of them this winter.  I needed some time to sort of recharge the batteries.  This winter has been a time of reflection for me.  I am not a deep guy by any means, but I know when I need to take a step back and focus on what is really important to me.  The one constant that always matters to me is my relationship with my family, and my three kids.  Like a lot of guys, I probably take my wife for granted more than I should.  But I think she knows I love her, and that she will always be a most important part of my life.  What I try to stay focused on, no matter what, is my relationship with my 3 daughters.  I have spent the last 3 months skiing with all of them on a weekly basis every Saturday and Sunday.  It is amazing what you can learn about your kids on a chairlift, or on a ski trail.  You can see toughness as they close the lift on a sub-zero day, you can learn about their zeal to excel, you can learn how much they love you as a dad, you can learn what it feels like for them to feel totally free as they spread their arms and cry out "wheeee" as they ski down the hill, and so much more.  What I learned, and continue to have to remind myself of, is that is so important to make every second with your kids count.  You don't have to try to be super dad, and don't be their best friend all of the time.  Just take some time to stop and smell the roses, and realize that we ain't leaving a bunch behind besides our family.  The lessons that we pass on to them are our true legacies.  I know that I am never going to be president, or be written about in some history book, but I do know that my kids will have a few fond memories to recall to their own children and grandchildren about their crazy old dad, and that thought truly makes me smile, hell I'm even smiling as I am typing.  As we get older we tend to look at our lives and take stock on where we're at.  Are we successful, are we doing well financially, etc..  I would suggest that what really matters most is not the rat race, but the dad race.  Are we being the best dads we can be.  For most of us the answer is no.  A lot of us lose focus on whats important, certainly including me, but when I take a step back and think about it, my family is the pinnacle to me. Helping to give my daughters confidence to conquer.  It doesn't matter a whole lot what they conquer, it could be a tough math equation, a standardized test, a mean ass glade trail at Cannon, as long as they conquer it, and feel the success and confidence that comes with that.  That is what makes me tick, and that is what makes me happy.  Knowing that my girls can kick ass, take names, and be happy kids and young ladies is the most gratifying thing I can do with my life.


Happily a Dad,


Wacky Dad 

Porta John Poetry

It is entirely possible I wrote some of my own poetry on
this fateful night!  What a drunken ass!

Well I am a little disappointed that I had to tone the title down a bit.  It really should be "Shithouse Poetry" but this being a "dad" blog and all I thought I should keep it somewhat family friendly, at least on the cover.  I thought of this post while standing at a stinking urinal in New Hampshire this past weekend.  I remember reading some silly poem that the Shithouse poet wrote, I don't remember the lines, but it brought back a few of my favorites from years past.  Some of them were written in Marine Corps Porta John's, affectionately called the "Shit House" - Thus the the name "Shithouse Poet".  You might ask what a shit house poet is.  This is how I have seen it defined on the web.  


Shithouse Poet Definition :  Widely-acclaimed anonymous author of infamous wit and wisdom written on the stalls and walls of many bathrooms. The "Shithouse Poet" is believed to actually be a number of different individuals acting in nearly every state of the United States. Much to the chagrin of janitors, the Shithouse Poet leaves his nuggets (pardon the pun) of wit and wisdom in the form of well-crafted prose and poetry through various means in bathrooms throughout the U.S.A.


Good stuff right?  Well I felt compelled to share 5 of my favorites with you from all of my years of "Shitty" reading.  Here Goes!  This list will end with the best of all time in my opinion.

5.  "Some come here to sit and think, Some come here to shit and stink, But I come here to scratch my balls, And read the bull shit on the walls..."


4.  "Here I sit all broken hearted, came to shit, but only farted." - Truly a classic!


3.  "Pee hard, Pee fast. Pull the handle and haul ass"

2.  "No need to hover above the seat, the crabs in here can jump six feet."


1.  "Please do not eat the big urinal mints..." - I saw this line as a young kid while standing at a urinal while attending sailing lessons at the East Greenwich Yacht Club.  Such refinement!  I know it ain't really poetry, but it is damned funny!  I told my kids this one tonight and they all roared!  It has always been my favorite.  If I may give you a piece of advice - share your favorite shithouse poetry while your wife is far, far away from the dinner table.  Some things are better left as little secrets between dads and kids.  I am taking the bullet for all of you morons out there by writing this post. Some of you may still have your wives fooled, I however, am a known degenerate, and she is surprised by nothing, thus this blog's existence.


Happy Shithouse Reading!


Wacky Dad


Please feel free to share some of your favorite shithouse poetry - keep it at least a little clean though!

Video - Meathead Ideas Gone Bad

Here are a couple of my favorite meat head videos I've come across in my travels.  These guys are just plain whacked out.  They are definitely worth watching for the 2-1/2 or so minutes it will take to get through them.  I am reminded that even though I call myself Wacky Dad, I ain't got nothing on these boys!







Unbelievable morons right?  I'd love to see some links from some of my fellow meatheads out there of their favorite dumb stuff.  Bring it on!


Humbled,


Wacky Dad

Mia's Breakthrough On Skis At Cannon Mountain

A photo I took of Mt. Lafayette from the summit of Cannon.

Well anyone who has been to this website in the winter knows that my obsessions switch to 2 things, skiing and snowmaking.  I am a life long skiier, and on most weekends between January and April you will find me at my favorite ski haunt - Cannon Mountain in Franconia, NH.  I have had a life long love affair with this place.  I grew up skiing at a lot of different mountains, usually the one we could get the deepest discount tickets for, but I had a special place in my heart for Cannon Mountain.  My father used to have a map of New England in his glove box, and I would always read about all of the ski areas that were listed in its margins.  Cannon had the most imposing sounding description, a whole lot of vertical drop, a ton of expert terrain, and a lot of history.  Before I even made it to the mountain I had already dubbed it the best of the bunch sight unseen.  Once I finally skiied it I was infatuated.  I had never witnessed a more hardcore place, where most of the skiiers, were truly great skiiers.  Back in those days Cannon didn't have the greatest snowmaking, but boilerplate ice and all I was totally hooked. I talked dad into skiing the place quite a bit over the years, and although it was never the place we skiied the most it was my "true love".  When I proposed to my wife Cathy, it was the summit of Cannon Mounatin that I chose as the place to pop the question.  I told her afterwards that if she said no I had plans to throw her off the top, of course I was joking, I think.  As life has gone on and we have started raising our family, naturally it was Cannon that we have gravitated to as our family's mountain.  I am now on child #3, my little Mia, and I have been determined to give her a love of skiing that Abby and Ailey both share.  It started last year when she was 2-1/2 years old.  I thought she was some kind of prodigy, and figured she could hack the beloved Junior Development class called the Polar Bears.  Truth is, she was just too young to hack a 2 hour class with the kids.

After a couple of weeks we pulled her out of the class, and I started working with her as much as I could.  I got the little sucker skiing pretty well, but at 2-1/2 the attention span just wasn't there, so I didn't push my luck, but I could see the potential for her to be a great skiier.  Even if we only did one or two runs sometimes, we got out on most days and we had a good time with it.  I have been really excited to get her on skis this year, and this weekend we finally made it to the mountain for the first time after the holiday rush was winding down.  I knew it was going to be great when we put her skis on and her perpetual little smile just lit up the instant she started sliding around on the things.  On our first day out she did 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon.  What can I say, she is just beautiful on those little K-2 skis of hers, and she totally loves it.  She is now in the polar bear class and is keeping up just fine.  Today she even graduated to the larger of the two beginner lifts, and she did it with style.  I think the only one smiling more than Mia was her goofy old dad skiing down behind her.  She even tried to hit a jump on the Huckerbrook trail (she kind of stalled on the top of the jump luckily!).  I am just so proud of her, and relieved that we have created another Cannon lover, and skiing lover out of her.  As far as Mia is concerned there isn't anywhere else in the world to ski, and hell for that matter her old man is right beside her.  I will be on this hill for the rest of my life, as long as my body will allow, and I hope I will be skiing right alongside my awesome family, Dad, Cathy, Abby, Ailey, Mia, and the rest of all the hotshots I have the privilege of skiing with on a weekly basis.  God Bless Cannon Mountain!


Happily,


Wacky Dad