Thursday, April 7, 2011

I'm Not A Pig! Spring Cleaning!

Ok everyone, spring is here.  I have skiied my butt off all winter, worked hard, and have been doing volunteer work for PurpleStride RI - a benefit walk for pancreatic cancer.  And I have also been a dad and husband.  This has left me quite a few spring chores to do.  Here are a few of the pleasantries that are coming in the near future for me.


1.  Clean up the Dog Sh** in the yard! - Holy crap (no pun intended)!  With all of the snow this year it was impossible to keep up with the dog crap.  It just kept getting covered up with snow over and over!  Now this is not as bad as it sounds.  Holly is quarantined to her own part of the yard that nobody else really uses.  The kids have the majority of the nice, big yard with no dog poop. But, I still have to clean up about 100 individual "loads" in Holly's part of the yard.  Why can't the little sucker learn to use the damn toilet like Jinxy the cat did in "Meet the Fockers". 
And you know what else is nice? It has been raining constantly, so all of the poops are nasty mounds of waterlogged goo.  Oh damn.  I think I'll have to have a few beers before I work myself up to this task.  And wear some throw away shoes!


This would be nice!
Yeah right!
2.  Clean the garage. - Since around Christmas time, I have pretty much hucked anything unwanted into the garage.  Since many of my fun, spring activities start in the garage, this is a hard problem to ignore.  I can't even get a bike out of the door - thats how bad it is!  My wife wanted to ride her bike the other day and I had to hump the damn thing ithrough the house, up the basement stairs and then bring it out the front door!  Bad!  Since all of the stuff for my boat, cycling, fishing, and my various other fun stuff for spring is in the garage, I am going to have to clean the sumbitch out soon!  I'm contemplating throwing a half stick of dynamite in there and shutting the door real-fast-like!


This ain't no F-250!
3.  Clean the car. -  Now this relates to the garage.  Most people know I am a contractor.  I live in my car,  going from job to job.  I acquire every tool known to man in there if I don't clean it out often.  I am pretty sure I could raise the friggin' Titanic with the assortment of crap I have in the back of my "Gigantic" Honda Fit.  Plus, I think some PVC primer spilled in the way back the other day so now I get a contact high every time I get in the car!  (By the way, that stuff blows up nicely.  Learned that as a kid!).  Another problem this winter was because I hucked so much stuff in the garage I couldn't clean out the car anymore because I had no place to huck the car-crap.  The results: a Honda Fit that looks like the Craftsman tool department at Sear vomited all over my floors, seats and hatcback hole!


You know I was going to keep going and add more to this list but I am realizing that I'm getting pretty embarrassed by the chaos and mess I live in/around!  I am really not a pig!  I wash every day, shave 5 days a week, wear clean clothes at least 65% of the time.  Sometimes there are just better things to do than keep things as neat-as-a-pin.  The time has come though to do some serious spring cleaning in the interest of my spring obsessions! Onward and Upward...


















Oink Oink,


Wacky Dad : )  



Posted by Eric at 5:19 PM
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12 comments:

  1. Joanna @ BabyGatorsDen.comApril 7, 2011 at 5:36 PM

    I'm so impressed! Great job! I am going to send this to my husband :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. EricApril 7, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    Thanks Joanna. I hate to say this but you must be easily impressed.

    ReplyDelete
  3. EricApril 7, 2011 at 7:47 PM

    : )

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousApril 8, 2011 at 8:45 AM

    Well, I just have to comment on this post.

    WD is big on pictures, but you notice there's not a single picture of exactly how bad this problem is. He has to be careful not to park the car in front of the house on trash pickup day or the city would take the whole thing. It's not even recyclable.

    The garage looks like an indoor scrapyard.

    Let me know when you're going to clean up the dog shit, I want to be there to video that.

    Then there's his boat, that's another issue entirely. It's in the water already, someone ask him how that came to be.

    Dad

    ReplyDelete
  5. BradApril 8, 2011 at 9:36 AM

    at least you cleaned your desk at the office. That's a start.

    ReplyDelete
  6. HayleyApril 8, 2011 at 9:38 AM

    I commiserate on the dog poo issue. When the snow melts we have tons of gelatinous brown doo-doos in the backyard and it's enough to make you throw up trying to scoop them up. Which is why that's Mike's job.

    ReplyDelete
  7. EricApril 9, 2011 at 11:57 AM

    Dad

    Damn ain't that the pot calling the kettle black? If you want to play then lets play! You need a damn shoe horn to squeeze through your garage, your car smells like gas and seaweed at all times, and tell everyone about the damn April fools joke you fell for you simpleton!

    ReplyDelete
  8. EricApril 9, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    Brad,

    All of that crap on my desk was yours. Stop putting crap on my desk!

    ReplyDelete
  9. EricApril 9, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    Cathy never even thought about scooping one up Hayley so you're one up on her! I always knew she was smarter than you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousApril 10, 2011 at 11:11 AM

    I'll compare cars and garages with you any day.

    And, you were weaned on gas and seaweed.

    And, shame on you for playing April Fool Day pranks on an old man.

    Dad

    ReplyDelete
  11. EricApril 10, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    Blah, Blah, Blah dad. And you fell for the same stuff 20 years ago so don't try to sell me the old man crap.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousApril 11, 2011 at 8:54 AM

    Yeah, well I sold my motorcycle yesterday, cleaned out the shed and moved some garage stuff in there. I can eat off the floor now.

    Well, almost.

    I'll stop by your house today to take a look at how your spring cleaning is coming along. Probably about like your boat prep.

    ReplyDelete

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