Papa Mario's Eulogy

As some of you know I recently lost my grandfather - affectionately called "Papa Mario" by myself, my wife, and my kids.  This was the eulogy that I wrote and read at the church.  I would be remiss if I did not share this, so that people know what a great and honorable man my Papa really was.  I miss him.   

It is a distinct privilege for me to speak in honor of my grandfather's life today. He was an incredible grandfather and role model and I am happy to be able to tell you a little bit about him.

I was in the Marine Corps for six years and while I was away during that tour, I was the lucky recipient of a handwritten autobiography of sorts from my grandfather. Every couple of months, for about a year of my tour, Papa Mario wrote me letters that very accurately recounted his life story. These stories led me to a deeper understanding of the man that was my grandfather. At the center of these stories was a man who, even from a young age, had a very deep sense of morality, love and life.

This autobiography started when he was in fifth grade at St. Teresa's school. While a kid named Tommy McDermott was handing out sheets of paper to write out their next assignments, Mario asked for an extra piece of paper. Tommy refused to give him the sheet and an argument started, in which young Mario used a swear word to punctuate his unhappiness with his classmate. As you can imagine, this was a big no-no in catholic school. The nun couldn't get Mario to repeat the word that he used, so she kept him after school. After some hours after school, he finally relented and wrote the word on a piece of paper. The nun was mortified. She said “where did you learn such a word”. Knowing he had to answer, he panicked and said the first name that came to his mind – John Civito – who also happened to be Papa's best friend! And as Papa wrote, the worst part in this situation was that John was innocent of the crime! After then getting his knuckles rapped with a pointer, Mario was allowed to go home. But the next day a dumbfounded John Civito took a beating for his best friends slip up and 70 years after that incident, my grandfather's letter still showed tremendous remorse for that beating that his best buddy had taken for him.

My grandfather was always an incredible worker. From the age of 9-15 he worked on a farm. In the morning he and his brother would walk 7 miles to the farm, labor for 10 hours, and walk back home. All for $5 a week. Later he went on to work 80 hour weeks running insulated wire through tanks full of boiling tar. This cable was used as underground burial cable. For this he earned $16/ week. He said that when he left the factory his lungs would emit a sort of smoke until he would arrive back at his house. Later, he went on to work in the WPA on construction projects. The next time that you are in Roger Williams Park here in RI, take a look down at the roads, curbings, and sidewalks you're walking on. My grandfather built them; sometimes hand-digging sewer trenches 10 feet deep, and hand-mixing concrete all day long. He said in his letter that the best “plum” job he ever had was raking weeds from the ponds at Roger Williams park while on the WPA. After all of the other things he did, that job must have seemed like a breeze! Next he joined the laborers union and helped to build Quonset airfield. At this point, he was making $100/ week and said this was big money back then!

Sometime around the month of June in 1941, Mario laid his eyes on a woman that he fell head-over-heels in love with. He was the best man at his cousin John's wedding and he was sitting at the head table at the wedding reception when he first saw her. He states in his letter “Immediately, I fell in love with her, I'm Not kidding, it was true!” Her name was Sue Baldini. After 2 years of dating - of which my grandfather unequivocally states he never missed a day seeing her - they were married. Sue was even treated to a serenade complete with musicians on the night before the wedding. His letters show the deepest affection for my Grandmother Sue, a true love that he spoke of often, even to the last days of his life. That kind of unconditional and true love was my grandfather's trademark.

On August 22, 1945 his daughter, my mother Cheryl was born. In his letters to me, he refers to her as his “little princess from day one” and the “apple of his eye”. On September 6, 1950 the completion of the family came in the form of a light haired, beautiful baby boy named Robert; My uncle Bob. My grandfather states in his letter that “Bob was a good boy and never got into any mischief”. Then he goes on to say, in true Papa form, how he would punish him by having him write a sentence 500 times to remind him of an infraction. Clearly, their must have been some mischief!

My mother's marriage to Leo Costantino was the next punctuation mark in my grandfather's story. He states in one of his letters that Leo was “very reserved and well mannered and as we got to know him better, we thought he was very nice and we started to like him”. Which of course means in my grandfather's not-so-subtle-way, that like any good father he was a bit skeptical of this young man who was stealing his little princess!

I came next in papa's story. He likes to tell stories about how I would argue with him as a 3 year old and how I could really get-his-goat. Nana Sue would come into the room and dress-him-down for arguing with a 3 year old! I remember driving in the front seat of the car with him and telling him to “take it easy”. He was always a bit generous with the gas pedal!

Sadly, when I was 5, Papa's heart was broken forever when my Nana Sue, at age 56, died suddenly of a heart attack. He lost his first love that day, but thankfully Papa's capacity for love and being loved was so great that he was able to live on and find love and companionship again with my other Grandmother Sue … Papa and Sue are still married. Sue has lived in a nursing home for many years now due to health issues and until Papa started having health trouble of his own, he visited Sue devotedly everyday at her nursing home. He'd bring her stories from the newspaper to read aloud, bring her her favorite foods to snack on (of course all washed or cleaned thoroughly and then wrapped up in aluminum foil to keep it germ-free for her). He made sure to know all her nurses names and to be present each day so that her care was good and consistent. His devotion to her was impressive and admirable.

The memories I have of growing up with my grandfather are all great, but the one thing that underlines all of these memories is the feeling of deep and unconditional love and genuine caring he had for me. 16 years ago I married my wife Cathy. Papa Mario treated her just like the family. And to Cathy, Papa was an instant grandfather for her. After we had our first daughter Abby, all bets were off. Cheryl was still the 'apple of his eye', but this new baby was a close second and certainly another “ little princess”. Ailey and Mia were both equally as precious to my grandfather. Whenever he saw them, his smile would stretch from ear to ear, he'd clap his hands in eager anticipation of their impending hugs and he'd say “oh, how I love these sweethearts so much, They are such a joy.” I believe if we went on to have 10 kids he would have been just as loving to each and every one of them.

There are some things I will always remember about my grandfather.

• His capacity for love was immense. He loved and cared about all of his friends and family with a depth that is less common for a man. His family was his life and his friends were a close second. Until Papa became very sick, he used to meet up with his best friend of John Faella weekly for breakfast so they could catch up and talk about the game, their families, and what was new. It was a life long friendship of 84 years that he loved and treasured.
• His Honesty – Papa Mario was honest to a fault. If you were ugly he told you that you were ugly. If you were fat, he told you you were fat. There was no capacity for embellishing the truth. Only the facts would do!
• His Humor. Papa Mario was one funny man. The funniest part was that most of the time he didn't even know he was being funny. He would look around and kind of wonder why everyone was doubled over laughing with tears in their eyes, but he would give you that wry little smirk that told you he was happy that you found him funny.
• His Work Ethic. I don't know many men that toiled the way my grandfather did for his whole life. He was a strong man throughout his life. Working the tough jobs that he had definitely made for one tough guy. He is an archetype for what a strong husband/father should be.

• His Love of Wine. Papa Mario loved wine. The cheaper it was the better he liked it! I swear some of that stuff he drank tasted like kerosene, but as I have grown to enjoy red wine I find myself gravitating to the same wines that my grandfather liked most.
• His Obsession about Cleanliness – In my grandfather's “book”, cleanliness was definitely next to Godliness. Germs were the enemy. One of the last things he did for my girls was wash each one of their hands with sanitizing wipes at the nursing home so he could relax during their visit and know that they were germ free and safe.
• His Worrying – My grandfather cared so much about all of his loved ones that he devoted an equal amount of “worrying-time” to each one of them. He was always concerned for the welfare of those he loved. He showed this concern as constant worrying that we all found funny and sometimes annoying but he just wanted us all to be okay.
• His Intelligence – My grandfather was not what one would call educated in the present sense of the word. However, he was something that I find much more impressive. He was a self educated man. He was a voracious reader, devouring the newspaper from cover to cover daily. I once read that reading a newspaper cover to cover every day for 20 years would amount to a college education. If that is the case, my grandfather must have completed at least 4 college degrees in his lifetime and that's not even counting all of the books he read!
• His love of Baseball - He loved the Red Sox and watched them until the end. I am not a big baseball fan but there has got to be something to it if my grandfather loved it that much. My Uncle Bob loves baseball too but his team is the Yankees. It was always fun to watch Uncle Bob and Papa discuss (and sometimes battle about) the teams they loved and the games they had recently watched. Baseball was a great connection for them and it was fun to watch their interactions over this passion of theirs.

Mario Asciolla was an amazing man. I don't think he had any enemies. He simply loved everyone he was acquainted with, family or not. He was a man who saw the good in the people around him and was always full of love and caring for them. His example is one that I will always strive to emulate. We will miss him dearly, but his spirit will live on in all of the valuable lessons that he taught us by being a good, honest, and loving man. He was the best father, grandfather, great grandfather, brother, and friend, that any of us could have asked for.

Love,

Eric